Cheryl Cole opens up about malaria, dying and Derek Hough

Cheryl Cole has revealed that she was so “frightened and exhausted” during her malaria battle that she felt “relieved” by the warning that she might die.

In extracts from her book Cheryl: My Story – published by The Sun – the former X Factor judge opened up about the life-threatening illness she contracted during a 2010 trip to Tanzania with friend Derek Hough.

Cheryl recalled how she was only five minutes away from needing life-long kidney dialysis and was left so delirious that she started accusing the doctors of trying to kill her.

She wrote: “I was so frightened and I felt exhausted. I just wanted to go to sleep and make everything stop.

“I can remember asking the nurse if I was dying – and feeling relieved when she said ‘It’s a possibility’.

“‘Make this the end’, I thought. I just had nothing left. Afterwards I told mam, ‘I’m gonna write me will. Bring paper, I need to tell you what to do’. I was matter of fact. I was so over it by now – too tired to take any more.”

While battling the illness, Cheryl spent four days in intensive care and needed a further week of respite at the London clinic after her ordeal, during which time she “did a lot of thinking” about the person she had become.

“[I started] making connections I’d never thought of before – and they disturbed me,” she admitted. “I thought back to when I was a teenager taking out a £100 loan to get my Popstars audition outfit. Then in the blink of an eye I saw myself buying £800 Christian Louboutins.

“‘Who the hell am I?’ I said to Derek eventually. My whole life had been like a mad roller coaster ride… I’d had enough. I wanted to be floating around on the carousel, not watching my knuckles turn white. I just had to work out how to change my life.”

Cheryl: My Story is released on October 11